fistful of Ron’s dressing gown and shook him slightly. “Something really weird is going on, Ron. I fell, and then I woke up, and Malfoy was there, and he kissed me, and everyone was naked. Well,” he amended, “Ginny wasn’t naked, but Malfoy was, and so was I, and there was touching, and kissing, and did I mention the nakedness?”

Ron’s eyes had widened under Harry’s babbling, his eyebrows slowly raising up towards his hairline. “Hermione!” He yelled, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief, because Hermione would fix everything. “Harry’s here, I think it’s finally happened!”

As Ron dragged him through the door and into the kitchen, Harry wondered if his two best friends had actually taken bets on when he would finally lose his marbles. He opened his mouth to use Ron, but stopped short at the sight of a highchair sitting next to the scrubbed wooden table.

“What is that?” Harry asked, pointing at the highchair.

Ron raised an eyebrow. “That is my son.” He glared Harry into a chair and then sighed. “I realise you’re probably a bit confused right now, but there’s no need to be rude.” Ron moved off to put the kettle on, and Harry stared warily at the little boy sitting in the highchair. He had porridge in his curly red hair and all over his fingers, and when he grinned at Harry he could see the boy had two little teeth on his bottom jaw.

“Why do these things always happen when it’s my turn to lie in?”

Harry turned as Hermione appeared in the kitchen, sleep mussed and yawning. Her hair was shorter than Harry remembered it being last week, pulled back into a low ponytail. She wore an extra ring next to her engagement and wedding rings, Harry noted as she yawned into a fist. Harry vaguely remembered something about wizarding traditions and eternity rings given when a first child was born. He turned to look at the inhabitant of the highchair in shock.

“What is going on?” Harry burst out, startling Ron as he reached out to his new wife with a cup of coffee.

Hermione ran a critical eye over him as Ron cleaned up the spilled drink with his wand. “Well, we knew it wasing,” she said with a shrug, and sank down into a seat next to the highchair. The little boy gurgled at her and she chucked him under his chin. “Unfortunate that it happened this weekend of all dates but, I suppose it can’t be helped.”

Harry wondered if he was about to burst into tears. “Look, will someone please tell me what’s going on?” He gestured helplessly at the little boy, who was now struggling to wipe his porridge covered fingers all over Hermione’s dressing gown. “So far this morning I’ve had a little girl jump on my bollocks, Ginny and Dean yelling about something called Ge, and a naked sodding Draco Malfoy trying to snog my face off!” he crumpled over onto the table, hiding his head in his hands. “Is this a dream? Do I need to click my heels together three times?”

Ron snorted above him. “Heels? I’d really rather not know the details to you and Draco’s sex life, if you don’t mind.

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